On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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