There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
