Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
