Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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