Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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