she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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