you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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