they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
