Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
