my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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