She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can't turn off my feet"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
