Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
