did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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