so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
