That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
