I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
