I just threw up on my dentist
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
