I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
