She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
