I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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