I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
