just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Boobs speak an international language.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
