If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize