I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
