Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
