I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
