I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize