That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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