Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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