I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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