Heybabeimwearingurpanties
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
