note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
