Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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