just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize