I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
