I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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