Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
