you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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