I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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