Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
