I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
