Please, let me fuck your mom
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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