Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize