dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
