Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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