Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
