I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
