The maid of honor just puked.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
They have beer where we have blood.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
