just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
