2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize