i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
