Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
