Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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