Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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