Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
