So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
