all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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