So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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