I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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