we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
