well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
