i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
