She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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