we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
