i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
