"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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