if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
