When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
