He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
