I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
