So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Randomize