This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
