Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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