if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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