Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
