My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
