Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
