you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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