I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
