I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
