It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
