VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
