Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
