It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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