You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
