So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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