I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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