K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
