I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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