I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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