youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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