Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
