weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
