I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
