I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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