I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize