Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
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