Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
