If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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