I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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