I will die if light touches me.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize