I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
