she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
