I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think I just shit out all my problems.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
